12 , 1 2020

Friendship as Antidote to Loneliness, Part I

By |2020-12-01T18:23:23-05:00December 1st, 2020|Friendship, healthy marriage, Loneliness, Marriage Communication|0 Comments

There’s a famous country song called “Lookin’ for Love in All the Wrong Places.” People spend a lifetime doing just that. This is the first of three articles about what I have learned about looking for love in the right places. At the start, I need to confess that I got it wrong for many years. Born in Detroit as the only child of older immigrant parents, I spent a lot of lonesome boyhood time as a nerdy, needy kid. I got praise for behaving properly, receiving straight “A’s” in school and for being a piano prodigy. Through musical performing, I discovered it wasn’t just the “jocks” that could get the girls, so I spent my adolescence in pursuit of [...]

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02 , 21 2015

What a Healthy Love Relationship Looks Like

By |2020-05-04T17:54:18-04:00February 21st, 2015|healthy marriage, Marriage Communication, Marriage Help, Marriage Help Featured, Save My Marriage|0 Comments

When I say, “I love me” or “I love you,” what do I mean? I love me. My need to do my own thing, and my right to be me, are immeasurably precious to me. The thoughts I think, the emotions I feel, the words I speak, and the actions I take are mine. They all are freely chosen by me, and for them I am totally responsible. Where satisfying or not, they are my experiment in actualizing my own personhood, my opportunity to learn from my own experience, my expression of my love … for me. I also love you. Your need to do your own thing, and your right to be you, are equally precious to me. The [...]

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11 , 29 2011

When the Vow Breaks; Part III: My Husband No Longer Believes in God!

By |2015-02-04T14:20:40-05:00November 29th, 2011|Marriage Communication, Marriage Help, Marriage Help Featured, Save My Marriage|0 Comments

Similar beliefs, values, and interests augur towards long, happy marriages. That’s why we worry when someone we know who is a Buddhist, marries a Baptist. But what if they share similar beliefs and values in the beginning, but then one spouse’s faith stance changes and the other spouse’s doesn’t? Jack and Jessie Jones came to a MAKE IT OR BREAK IT retreat because that is exactly what happened to them. Jessie, a devout evangelical Christian who happened to be a school teacher, married Jack, an equally devout evangelical Christian who happened to be an engineer. That was 40 years ago. Several careers and children and grandchildren later she retired. Soon he retired too. Upon retiring, Jack began reading and studying [...]

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11 , 22 2011

When The Vow Breaks, Part II – But The Affair Was Just Emotional!

By |2015-02-04T14:20:46-05:00November 22nd, 2011|Marriage Communication, Marriage Help, Marriage Help Featured, Save My Marriage|0 Comments

Mary was a stay-at-home Mom of three little children.  Walter, her husband, was a “Type A” entrepreneur for whom a 70+ hour work week was the norm. Because he was making loads of money, Walter decided he wanted a bigger, better house.  Mary would gladly have settled for their current house and more Walter.  She reported, “When he’s home, he’s not really home.  He’s emailing, texting and thinking about business.” Once the architect delivered the plans, Walter hired a general contractor.  Mary became the de facto project manager since, observed Walter, “She had plenty of time on her hands.” It turned out that “Joe” the contractor was not only competent but had a tender heart and knew how to listen.  Old [...]

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11 , 16 2011

When the Vow Breaks, Part 1: Is you is or is you ain’t?

By |2011-11-16T20:34:39-05:00November 16th, 2011|Marriage Communication, Marriage Help, Marriage Help Featured, Save My Marriage|0 Comments

When one – either the husband or the wife – leaves their marriage emotionally and spiritually, that marriage becomes just as defunct as if one of the spouses had physically died. At best, the partners live alone together. At worst, the marriage becomes a living hell. Some couples eventually separate but never divorce. Others divorce with rancor and a bitterness that lasts a lifetime. The first morning of a five-day MAKE IT OR BREAK IT retreat, Margie said to Tom, in front of the two of us, “I don’t want to try anymore.” After a minute of uncomfortable silence, Tom replied, “Please let’s not stop the process. Laura and John can help us. If we’re gonna come apart then let’s [...]

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09 , 16 2011

What Makes This Couples Marriage Retreat Unique?

By |2011-09-16T10:32:39-04:00September 16th, 2011|Marriage Help Featured|0 Comments

When a couple comes to one of our “Make It or Break It”  marriage retreats they may have already decided they want a divorce. But often they are undecided, or one partner wants a divorce and the other wants to preserve the marriage and stop divorce. Because this is so, we spend a period of time listening to each partner describe what they have in mind. This may well be the first time they have ever, in each other’s presence, explained how they feel about their marriage […]

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