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Blog2020-07-13T13:07:48-04:00

Friendship as Antidote to Loneliness, Part I

There’s a famous country song called “Lookin’ for Love in All the Wrong Places.” People spend a lifetime doing just that. This is the first of three articles about what I have learned about looking for love in the right places. At the start, I need to confess that I got it wrong for many years. Born in Detroit as the only child of older immigrant parents, I spent a lot of lonesome boyhood time as a nerdy, needy kid. I got praise for behaving properly, receiving straight “A’s” in school and for being a piano prodigy. Through musical performing, I discovered it wasn’t just the “jocks” that could get the girls, so I spent my adolescence in pursuit of [...]

Everything Must Change

There’s a song that goes “Everything must change; nothing stays the same… The young become the old, And mysteries do unfold, For that’s the way of time; No one, and nothing goes unchanged” (Benard Ighner).  Truer words were never spoken. Pete and Suzie (names disguised) were high school sweethearts who married as university students still living with their families of origin.  When their youngest child left home for college they were still in their 40s. One morning they looked at each other across the breakfast table and Suzie said, “Now what?” Pete asked her what she meant, to which she responded, “To be honest, I don’t know. I don’t know who I am without the kids, let alone who we [...]

What a Healthy Love Relationship Looks Like

When I say, “I love me” or “I love you,” what do I mean? I love me. My need to do my own thing, and my right to be me, are immeasurably precious to me. The thoughts I think, the emotions I feel, the words I speak, and the actions I take are mine. They all are freely chosen by me, and for them I am totally responsible. Where satisfying or not, they are my experiment in actualizing my own personhood, my opportunity to learn from my own experience, my expression of my love … for me. I also love you. Your need to do your own thing, and your right to be you, are equally precious to me. The [...]

Grass is Greener on the Other Side?

“They could fall in love with fresh, new people, or they could have the courage and humility to tear off some essential layer of themselves and reveal to each other a whole new level of otherness, a level far beyond what sort of music they liked. It seemed to her everyone had too much self-protective pride to truly strip down to their souls in front of their long-term partners. It was easier to pretend there was nothing more to know, to fall into an easygoing companionship. It was almost embarrassing to be truly intimate with your spouse; how could you watch someone floss one minute, and the next minute share your deepest passion or most ridiculous, trite little fears? It [...]

Happiness the other side of divorce?

“It's quite common for people in an unhappy marriage to think that happiness is just on the other side of divorce. It's ironic. When we're single, we'll be happy when we meet someone. Once we're married, we think we'll be happy when we're single.” --Mort Fertel

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