“It's quite common for people in an unhappy marriage to think that happiness is just on the other side of divorce. It's ironic. When we're single, we'll be happy when we meet someone. Once we're married, we think we'll be happy when we're single.” --Mort Fertel
Whether one is left or does the leaving – or never leaves or is left physically, just emotionally – the breakdown of a relationship in which one has invested much hope and many years is a daunting experience. The fact that it may be financially catastrophic and complicate the raising of children only deepens the emotional loss and accounts for the fact that many people elect to remain in unhappy marriages. Many couples live alone together. – adapted from Gordon Livingston’s “AND NEVER STOP DANCING”
Does the following apply to one’s getting “fired” as a marriage partner? We think it does: “I’ve heard that no one gets fired without secretly hoping for the liberation, but that sounds like the kind of pronouncement you make before you’ve been given the boot. Being fired is the pits, ranking right up there with infidelity in its brutalizing effect. The ego recoils and one’s self-image is punctured like a tire by a nail. In the weeks since I’d been terminated, I’d gone through all the stages one suffers at the diagnosis of a soon-to-be-fatal disease: anger, denial, bargaining, drunkenness, foul language, head colds, rude hand gestures, anxiety, and eating disorders of sudden onset. I’d also entertained a steady stream [...]
“A big lesson about loving someone is coming to understand that when love ends for one person, it ends for both people. The important part of this is recognizing when it has ended and not fighting against that.” --Elizabeth George
Disappointment is a much underrated emotion. Left unchecked, it can devolve to disenchantment and down the slippery slope to “I don’t care anymore.” It can even lead to suicidal ideation. Bill and Mary were childless because she was barren. After marrying in their mid-20’s they waited six years, in deference to career development and financial solvency, before trying to become pregnant. On the proud day they became homeowners (it was Bill’s 32nd birthday), they stood dreamily in was to be the nursery. “Shall we paint it pink?” Mary said. “Blue, green or yellow. Let’s get pregnant,” Bill retorted with a loving squeeze. Now, approaching their 12th anniversary, they reported that there was no joy left, no sparks either, nothing to [...]
Sometimes the vow breaks and it’s nobody’s fault, unless you want to blame the victim of Alzheimer’s for contracting the disease. No sane person would do that. Vern and his wife Sandy married at 22, the day both of them graduated college. She worked to put him through grad school and he became a career university professor. The marriage ended nearly 60 years later when Sandy died, leaving Vern and two adult children, five grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. Theirs was a model “great American romance.” Almost. Sandy spent the last two decades of her life battling Alzheimer’s. It was a losing battle, soon requiring full-time in-home care and then, when she almost burned the house down, a pain-filled decision to [...]