Mary was a stay-at-home Mom of three little children. Walter, her husband, was a “Type A” entrepreneur for whom a 70+ hour work week was the norm. Because he was making loads of money, Walter decided he wanted a bigger, better house. Mary would gladly have settled for their current house and more Walter. She reported, “When he’s home, he’s not really home. He’s emailing, texting and thinking about business.” Once the architect delivered the plans, Walter hired a general contractor. Mary became the de facto project manager since, observed Walter, “She had plenty of time on her hands.” It turned out that “Joe” the contractor was not only competent but had a tender heart and knew how to listen. Old [...]
When one – either the husband or the wife – leaves their marriage emotionally and spiritually, that marriage becomes just as defunct as if one of the spouses had physically died. At best, the partners live alone together. At worst, the marriage becomes a living hell. Some couples eventually separate but never divorce. Others divorce with rancor and a bitterness that lasts a lifetime. The first morning of a five-day MAKE IT OR BREAK IT retreat, Margie said to Tom, in front of the two of us, “I don’t want to try anymore.” After a minute of uncomfortable silence, Tom replied, “Please let’s not stop the process. Laura and John can help us. If we’re gonna come apart then let’s [...]
Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least. It is usually a long slide toward emotional alienation. True? Work demands, children, life, in all of that did you pay yourselves first? Did you 'dance with the one that brought you,' or ask him/her to sit this one out as life did what life does. The one who cares the most will need to guide the two of you away from the edge of breaking. Is it worth it to you?
For unhappy singles, marriage is always a disappointing experience. Marriage can add to one’s feeling of self-worth if one enters it feeling worth loving in the first place. But the love of a husband or wife cannot make up for the love one failed to get as a child. In fact, before a husband and wife can find satisfaction together they must first understand that they cannot expect to feel happier as a married couple than they did when they were single. Unhappy singles tend to marry other unhappy singles. They soon become unhappy marrieds. Then, when their best efforts fail and their fondest dreams for their marriage are dashed, disappointment takes over. And disappointment is a much underrated emotion. [...]
Forgivness is an act of love in marriage. From an unintentional slight to overt betrayal, the ability to forgive your spouse is an act of will. If your marriage is in trouble, chances are the skill of forgiveness may be missing. Forgiveness in marriage is not always easy, but it is necessary. Here is a short excerpt we think defines true forgiveness. Forgiveness does not confer impunity. Even if the perpetrator has already been punished by the law or in some other just fashion, the victim must forgive. The law deals with “the outside.” While it punishes the offender, it does not free the victim. Wise teachers commonly define forgiveness as “abandoning the resentment one is entitled to,” and therefore abandoning [...]
Would you like to improve, help or even save your marriage? Here are… 10 Ways to Help Your Marriage 1. Show Love So what if you are busy with work and handling three jobs at a time? You are married to your beloved, not your work. Partners feel neglected when they feel their spouse does not love them the way they used to. Even if it means saying a simple “I love you” with a quick peck, make you sure you do it every day. It works wonders that keep you together even through the toughest times. […]
When a couple comes to one of our “Make It or Break It” marriage retreats they may have already decided they want a divorce. But often they are undecided, or one partner wants a divorce and the other wants to preserve the marriage and stop divorce. Because this is so, we spend a period of time listening to each partner describe what they have in mind. This may well be the first time they have ever, in each other’s presence, explained how they feel about their marriage […]
Five signs that your marriage is in trouble: 1. Your spouse no longer courts you; 2. You don’t date each other anymore; 3. The language of love is absent from your everyday life; 4. Your relationship feels more like a burden than a blessing; and 5. If you could choose again, you might not marry this person. Did we just say the same thing five different ways? Learn more with our Make It or Break it Marriage Retreat!